Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition
by tereseh
Summary: Stephanie is grounded, working for RangeMan and getting tired of the office and wishes to escape. Then Lester joins her quest to get her fired and has some ideas of his own. Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition... What have I gotten myself into?
1. Chapter 1: Top 10 Ways to Annoy

**Authors note:** Don't own anything, not making any profit, just for fun. Characters belong to Janet Evanovich, and an article with the title "Top 10 ways to annoy your coworkers" can be found at About dot com-if anyone's interested. I'm not responsible if you loose your job by following these steps. I just needed a rest from all the angst I've had recently. I don't know if this has been done before, don't kill me if it has, but I thought it was a good idea…. Tell me if it's not… ;D

Enjoy.

Oh and one thing before the story begins, (this authors note could continue forever) I personally don't use harsh language, and I try to avoid using it as much as possible so, by my standard, this story contains excessive use of harsh language. Now, on to the story:

**Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition**

**Chapter 1: ****Top 10 Ways to Annoy Your Co-workers**

**Ever wanted to be that annoying little bug in the office? Ever wanted your co-workers to hate you? Following these 10 easy steps will ensure that your co-workers will look forward to the day you get out of the office. However, avoid these behaviours if you want to keep your job.**

This could be interesting I thought and scrolled down the page and continued reading. I had been working for Rangeman for several months now and though the job actually was very interesting, especially fieldwork, I had become bored. Mostly because I didn't get to do much fieldwork these days. In fact, Ranger had cut me off from fieldwork for almost two months now and I was starting to get the tics. I was annoyed beyond reasoning. Probably Morelli and Ranger had had a guy's night out and decided to cut me off from the fun. Lula was working as a bounty hunter, bringing in the low bond skips, whereas Ranger as usual took the high bonds. I on the other hand was suffocating in the Rangeman building on Haywood. The first weeks I tried to smuggle in doughnuts and candy bars, with a stress on the tried. Ranger had me searched before letting me in, and confiscated all the sweets. Not that I didn't have doughnuts and sweets when I was at home, but a doughnut at 9 o'clock wouldn't get me through the day, and by 3 pm I would be cranky and irritated at everything. I had tried to persuade Ranger to let me out on the field, but he wouldn't budge. Maybe if the men could persuade him? Now this was an idea. That's how I landed on that site, telling you how to annoy your co-workers. I called Lula to hear what she thought of the plan.

"Girl, you have a deathwish or something? Should I bring you some doughnuts?" Lula said after I had explained my brilliant idea for her.

"Noo!" I sighed. "I just thought I could get the guys to persuade Ranger to move me to fieldwork again. I'm getting bored to death here! And I could use your help."

"Mmm…" Lula thought for some seconds. "Okay, what's a friend for if not to help? Hell yeah, I'll help you! Then we can move to Bahamas together, or somewhere else where they won't find us."

I told her about the website and she said she would call me back when she had read the plan. After we hung up I mentally cracked my knuckles. I really hoped this would work. I clicked a program open and continued with the searches. Suddenly Lester poked his head into my cubicle.

"Hey Bombshell, you have the search for Pullman ready?"

"Ready and delivered." I answered dully as I handed him the file. The first weeks working for Rangeman had been interesting, glorious and inspiring. But when I was cut off from fieldwork, everything had become boring. I didn't even roll my eyes anymore at Lester's dirty jokes, or Brown's stupid 'Knock, knock' jokes. I was getting bored to death.

Lester shook his head as he took the file from me.

"Gosh, Bombshell, I've never seen you so down… Should I talk to Morelli?"

At this I felt my cheeks go red but before I could splutter some nasty reply he was gone with a chuckle. Oh, I was going to kill him. Before I could figure out a way to slowly and painfully kill Lester, without me getting the blame, my cellphone chirped. Without looking at the display I answered.

"What do you think?"

"About what?" Tank's voice rumbled in my ear. If there was anyone I hadn't expected to be in the other end, it was Tank.

"About life, universe and everything?" I said trying not to sound surprised.

"Forty-two!" Tank said confidently then continued. "Ranger asked me to tell you to primarily work on the Sutton-case, he wants it ready before two o'clock."

"Sutton-request ready at two, got it!" I said and was replied by the hung up tone. I made a face at the cell and groped through the files for the Sutton-file. Then I put the Rodriguez-request on hold and started Rangers Sutton-request. Five minutes later Lula called, and this time I made sure to check the display before answering.

"What do you think?"

"This is the Shit!" Lula yelled in my ear. "He's gonna smoke your ass. White girl, you're gonna wake up in a third world country the next day!"

"But are you with me?" I asked. I didn't want to be alone when the doom fell, and having Lula with me might be seen as extenuating circumstances. At least Tank might persuade Ranger to ship us off to a third world country nearby, if there ever is such a thing as a nearby third world country.

"Of course I'm with you! Can't let you have all the fun by yourself!" Lula yelled. "What do you want to start with?"

"I'll start with number one, have you read it?"

"Hell yeah! You want me to call you while you're on the toilet?"

O o O o O o O o O

**1. Your co-workers don't think your cell phone conversations are as entertaining as you think they are. Therefore talk Loudly. To make your co-workers even more uncomfortable let them hear you talk on your phone in the bathroom. Make a deal with a friend, or simply call a friend while on the toilet, and talk about your most personal matters i.e. your period, why you cant get it to stand etc. If a co-worker calls you, make sure he or she hears the toilet flush.**

I saw through the open door when Bobby got up from his chair and walked towards the kitchen. I tiptoed after him and saw him pass the kitchen. I dialled Lula.

"Yeah?" She whispered.

"Be ready to call in 15 seconds." I hung up and followed Bobby into the toilet. It was a unisex toilet, had been ever since I started working here, with three separate boxes to the right and three wash-basins to the left. The doors of the boxes were of dark wood that matched the bench with the white porcelain basins. It was a nice bathroom, but quite sterile. Only paper towels, and only one small mirror. I guessed these guys didn't need a full length mirror to tell them they looked good. Bobby turned the lock in his door and I quickly scurried into the box next to his. Right on time I turned the lock as my telephone started ringing. I sat down on the toilet lid and answered.

"Hello." I said a little louder than normal.

"Hi Steph, it's Lula!" Lula declared loud enough for the control room to hear. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and put on speakers.

"Hi Lula, How are you doing? Caught any skips today?"

"Hell, no! I can't do any bounty hunter stuff now! I haven't been getting any!"

"You haven't been getting any what?"

"You _know_… any…!"

"No, I don't know…" I heard Lula exasperated sigh on the other end.

"Yes, you know! You _know_... He hasn't been able to get it up for weeks!" Lula bellowed.

"What!?" I squeaked with a high pitch voice. I heard Bobby sharply inhale in the box next to mine.

"I know! I've also been like 'what?' all the week. But I mean, that's what it's made for, isn't it? And he can't get it up!"

I was absolutely speechless. Was Lula talking about what I think she's talking about? I shook my head to get a grip. I couldn't let Lula do the dirty work.

"What are you saying?" I could hear Lula take a deep inhale, but before she could say anything I continued. "He can't get it up?"

"No! And I'm dying over here! I can't do nothing! You gotta come and help me, Steph!"

I heard Bobby take a deep breath again. "And you need to bring the handcuffs."

Bobby coughed.

"Are you okay there, Bobby?" I asked but all I got was a muffled mumble.

"Who's there?" Lula asked.

"Oh, just Bobby." I said trying to sound casual. "I'd bring the handcuffs, but Ranger won't let me out in the field."

"Hey, who said we're gonna work on the fucking field?" Lula said. "I need you…" there was a crackling noise. "…bring handcuffs!"

"Lula?"

"…just like last time and all… We'll… get the fucking… with handcuffs." More static made it hard to interpret what she was saying. I heard Bobby unlock the door and leave. Obviously he had enough.

"Lula, I'm loosing you, I can't hear what you're saying!" I shouted over the static.

"Just bring handcuffs…" Lula yelled back. "… whatever you do, bring handcuffs!"

I heard the door open and close, then steps coming closer.

"Steph?" It was Lester.

"Hi Lester!" I said.

"Lester? I thought you said Bobby?" Lula stopped screaming, and so did the static. I could hear someone snigger in the background.

"Bobby went, Lester came. Where are you?"

"At the office, Connie's the one responsible for the static noises." I could hear Connie say something. "She asks if it sounded real."

"Yeah it sounded real."

"What sounded real?" Lester asked from the other side of the door.

"Oh, wouldn't you want to know!" Lula yelled over the phone. "this is something between me, Steph and Connie. But I promise you it's dirty!"

"Lula!" I could hear Connie yell in the background.

"Lula, that won't work on Lester you know that?"

"Why not?" Lula asked

"Because he's Lester." I answered matter-of-factly

"And because I saw that page on your computer. I know what you're up to and I thought you wanted help from an expert." Lester yelled from the other side of the door.

"Like YOU would know anything about this stuff?!" Lula yelled back over the phone.

"What were you talking about? I have never seen Brown so red in his face."

I sighed and opened the door to let Lester in. I was tired of all the yelling. Lester squeezed himself into the box and closed the door. Suddenly the box was a little too little. We stood crammed together trying not to move too much, with the cell between us.

"Wouldn't you wanna know!" I said and smiled at him. He responded with a wolf grin showing off all his white teeth. Gosh, he looked good!

"I bet you don't even know what you were talking about." He had a point. I turned to the phone.

"Lula, what exactly were you talking about when you said _he_ can't get _it_ up?"

"Vinnie." Lula laughed. "He can't get the locker up to the handcuff box. We've been starving handcuffs for weeks. And I lost my last pair yesterday."

Lester laughed softly at my side. "What did you think she meant?"

I hit him hard on his arm and he made a face at me. "I'll come over at lunch with a pair of handcuffs." I said to Lula and we hung up. Then I turned to Lester. "Now, get out!"

He smiled and I felt a small jostle in the pit of my stomach. Shit I was in trouble.

"What's that, inviting a guy and then throwing him out?" He asked sounding hurt but I knew by the sparkle in his eyes he was playing. It was like a cat playing with the mouse before moving in for the kill. And I was the mouse.

Now, I didn't have any hard feelings against Lester, but I had only worked with him once before, when "we" did a renovating job that included Tank throwing out a guy through the window from the third floor. And he was slightly scary, I didn't know where he stood. Tank I knew, he was Ranger's best friend and wouldn't try to hit on me, but Lester was another story. Lester suddenly leaned closer and I backed away as far as possible, which wasn't very far. Why couldn't they make these boxes bigger?

"Ranger's right." He chuckled. What? I stared at Lester, what did he mean by that? "I definitely smell something burning!" I hit him hard on his arm and then opened the door.

"OUT!"

"Okay, but I definitely have a better idea than those 'ten ways to annoy your co-workers." He gave me a full-on smile. "I have a whole list!" He exclaimed proudly.

Suddenly the door to the restroom opened and Tank walked in but stopped in mid-stride, staring at us. I was holding the door open and Lester was in the doorway of the box. It looked like I had just invited him in. I felt my face go red.

"Santos!" Tank stared blankly at Lester.

"I didn't do anything!" Lester said waving his arms. I ducked and fled outside before anyone else turned up at the toilet. More exactly; before Ranger turned up at the toilet. I didn't want to explain to Him why Lester and I had been in the same toilet-box. I managed to sneak into my office and close the door. I let out a sigh and sank down in the chair. What was I thinking? And now Lester knew. Shit I was in trouble! I stared at my screen where the page with the 'ten ways to annoy your co-workers'-list was up. Or… I thought contently, I had an ally. I smiled, this was going to be fun.

* * *

Huh, my muse decided to take a nap. I'll upload another chapter when she wakes up… I hope.

And yeah, my muse reminded me that I have put up some drawings I made of Steph and co. on my homepage :) and my muse wants you to check them out... Yeah yeah, okay, **I** want you to check them out. ;D .sigh.


	2. Chapter 2: Chewing Gum

**Authors note:** .snarl. (insert worst curse you know here) the (curse) computer messed things up! All the (curse) lines and spaces are in one jumble alltogether, I'll have to work it all over AGAIN! Grrraaww!!  
**o.O** Wow gals! Thank You, All of You, SO MUCH for all your reviews. I usually have the habit of responding to each and every reviewer personally, but my inbox was crammed of reviews and alerts from ff, and I haven't got the time to respond to everyone... sorry for that, but if I did, all my time would go to replying and not writing;) So here's the second chapter… Enjoy!  
Disclaimer in first chapter.

**Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition  
**

**Chapter 2: Chewing gum**

I dialled Lula. I needed chewing gums for the next 'task'. The computer beeped and began to print the Sutton-research. It wasn't even one o'clock yet, I could get away on a late lunch with Lula and get the chewing gum in the same time. Chewing gum isn't candy, is it? We decided to meet outside Cluck-in-a-bucket in the mall and a quarter past one we sat down with our buckets to enjoy a well deserved lunch. Whatever happened with Lester, I decided the bathroom task could be checked 'done'. Pretty good done also, if I may say so myself. We were chatting about her bounty hunter work when Lula commented my clothes.

"You got his name all over you girl." She chuckled and wolfed down another chicken wing. I looked down at my chest. I was wearing the RangeMan outfit, a black v-necked t-shirt with the logo embroidered on the left side and black cargo pants, also embroidered with the logo. Ella had made them all and if it wasn't for her excellent cooking skills I'd have it she was crazy. She had only had that new sewing machine for one week, and now the RangeMan logo was on every garment she could put her hands on. I was surprised the toilet paper wasn't embroidered yet. An image of Rangers silk boxers embroidered floated through my mind and made me smile.

"Whatcha' smilin' at?" Lula asked with her mouth full of French fries.

A small sigh escaped as I said his name. "Ranger."

"I'd also be smiling and sighing if I'd be thinking of him…" She looked over my shoulder and her eyes went big. "…but right now I'm thinking of all the money I'll get to spend once I haul that shit-ass over to the cop-shop." I turned around as she pulled her Glock out of her purse. A tall and skinny man had just entered the restaurant and was lining up to order. He was wearing a ragged brown leatherjacket, torn jeans and old cowboy boots. He looked like he'd been hit many times, but was still going strong. Die hard and tough, like his boots. "You got the handcuffs?" Lula whispered over the table. I pulled a pair out of my purse and handed them to her. She didn't take them.  
"I know how much you miss this work so I'm gonna be a nice friend and let you cuff him." She nodded towards him. "Jack Johnson, he and his friends were drawing guns like in the cowboy films when he shot his friend. Accident he says, bullshit Lula says."

"I'm not helping you, Ranger will kill me!" I whispered back.

"Naah, he's not dangerous. Hell, I bet he's not even armed. And you're armed! You got a Gun girl!"" Lula looked meaningfully at the gun fully visible on my hip. Ranger made me promise to wear it every time I was outside. But I hadn't license to wear concealed, so my mother was probably getting loads of phone calls from people telling her I was walking around with my gun visible. I had sighed so many –real and mental- sighs even that was getting boring. And worse was; I was getting used to the gun. I was almost at that point where I felt naked without it on my hip. Go figure that.

Jack Johnson was waiting for his order. This, I thought, deserved a sigh though and I sighed. Better get it done with immediately, embarrassing myself to all the customers at the restaurant so I can get over it and continue my day. We walked up to him. The cashier put the tray with chicken and fries on the count and asked for the money, then Mr Johnson discovered us and jumped backwards.

"You again!" He yelled with a tiny whiny two-packs-a-day voice. No wonder he looked so beaten and toughened, heck even I wanted to hit him after hearing his voice. He sounded like he smoked helium.

"You bet your ass it's me again!" Lula said." And now me and my friend here, the super bounty hunter's gonna cuff you and we're gonna haul your sorry ass to the station!" Everybody who was standing in line turned their eyes towards me.

"I ain't goin' nowhere!" Johnson whined. "I just got my food!" He turned to the counter and grabbed a handful of French fries and threw them at Lula.

"What the…?" Lula said. Johnson turned back to the counter and got a ketchup tube and aimed it at me. Here it goes, I though, and prepared mentally to be ketchup-ed. Johnson held the tube towards me but froze and flickered his eyes from my chest to something over my shoulder. Suddenly he dropped the tube on the floor and held his hands forward without a word but eyes big as saucers. Lula's mouth fell open and she stared at Johnson. I figured he'd either seen a monster behind me and wanted to be saved or he had seen Ranger behind me and wanted to be saved. Guess he didn't want to ruin my uniform in front of my boss. I still hoped it was the Hulk or some other monster that got up behind me as I clicked the handcuffs on Johnson. Lula snapped out of her stupor when the handcuffs clicked and she turned towards me.

"How did you…" Then she probably spotted Ranger behind me and her eyes went big as saucers too.

"Hi Lula!" I shrieked startled and span around.

"Lester!" I managed to splutter out.

"Aww, you hurt my feelings, Steph. You're not glad to see me?" Lester tried to sound hurt but was failing big time. He couldn't hide the fact he was laughing. I hit him on his arm again. If he kept this up he was going to have a bruise there tomorrow.

"What are you doing here?" I asked suspiciously. I was afraid I already knew the answer.

"Ranger sent me to look after you so you didn't mess up or blow up anything. He suspected you were up to something." Lester cocked an eyebrow towards me and glanced over to Lula.

"She's just having a lunch with a friend!" Lula answered and glared at Lester. Johnson moved carefully backwards, trying to escape but Lula grabbed the cuffs. "And you aint goin' anywhere!" She turned to Lester again. "She's done nothing, we just spotted this piece of ass-FTA and Steph had the handcuffs. No danger really…" Lula shoved Johnson towards the door. "…Well I'll get him to the police station. You alright Steph?" Lula blinked conspiratorially.

"Yep." I answered smiling. I had bought the gums already.

Suddenly there was an annoying whiny voice complaining. "I want my food! I just bought it. It's getting cold!"

Lester stared at Johnson and he became silent. "Do you need help with him?" Lester asked but Lula shook her head.

"No, I can manage this little whiny ass." She turned to Johnson. "You can eat the food on the way, but I warn you, if you drop anything in my car I'm gonna fry your balls to hell!" With that Johnson silently got his food and Lula escorted him out.

"You done here?" Lester asked and I nodded. I got my purse and we exited the restaurant and turned to the elevators. I groped around in my purse and got the package of strawberry flavoured bubble gums and put two in my mouth and began to chew as we rode the elevator down to the parking hall. Lester had parked his new black SUV next to my new black SUV. Company cars. They looked like they could belong to the Russian mob. And they certainly drew attention when they were parked side to side. If there had been one more new black SUV one could begin to wonder who's being invaded. I was chewing the slightly too big gum around in my mouth and blew a bubble. Pop. Lester glanced towards me but didn't say anything as we made our way towards the vehicles. I chewed again and blew another bubble, this time I got it rather big before it popped with a soft 'poh'. Again Lester glanced at me but stayed quiet. We beeped our cars open and before we got in Lester looked over the hood towards me.

"You'll go straight to Haywood." It wasn't a question. I answered with another bubble and a hard 'plop'. I got into the car, closed the door and turned the ignition. The car just grumbled and died. I was just about to turn the ignition again when the door was jerked open with such a force it went open all the way, snapping a cable and I soared out hitting the other SUV so hard all the air went out of my lungs. When I got my breath back Lester was on the concrete floor looking under my SUV. Then, without a look at me, he opened the hood carefully. I rubbed my upper arm where he had grabbed me, I was going to get a bruise.

"What was that about?" I asked as he carefully closed the hood.

"Bomb." I stared at him.

"And?"

"In!" He said and pointed towards his car, then he pulled out his cell and pushed a short number. Well, now I knew he could do the one-word-conversations too, must be something the RangeMan Company required of its employees. I didn't move but continued to chew my gum. Lester stared at me and I stared back.

"Get in the car!" I responded with a 'plop'. He opened his mouth to say something but the person he was calling had picked up and he turned around facing my car.  
"Send Hal and Hector with the bomb disarming bag… Stephanie's… she's allright… ok." Then he hung up and turned towards me. Uh-nuh, I was in trouble. I chewed the gum and blew a big bubble. Lester stepped closer and pushed me lightly towards his SUV. He had a strange twinkle in his eyes, I wasn't sure of where to put it, but I felt half safe and half as if I was playing with a wolf. I was almost more scared of him than of the bomb in my car, though he probably had saved my life. How strange wasn't that? The bubble went out with a soft 'poh' and I chewed it in. I saw his eyes dart towards my lips and his eyes changed. I swallowed hard then he looked up and that playful, humorous twinkle in his eyes was back.

"Get in the car." He said it so softly and friendly it was scary. He reached behind me and opened the door and I stepped aside so he could open it. Without looking at him I got in and when I was safely inside he closed the door. I didn't dare look at him but stared right in front of me into the wall. What was I doing? What was I thinking? What was He thinking? What was He thinking I was thinking? The questions swirled around my head but no answers revealed themselves. Shit, if I didn't watch out I'd have to have a we-need-to-talk with Lester too, as I was having occasional we-need-to-talks with Ranger. Shit shit shit! If I had been sitting behind the steering wheel I'd been banging my head towards it. S-h-i-t! There was a knock on my window and I looked up to se Hal smiling.  
I smiled back and waved at him with my pinkie. We had been teamed up with each other on a stakeout once, and it had been a boring stakeout. Like all stakeouts where you sit in the car and wait till your ass go numb then you sit another three hours on your numb ass until your feet go numb and start to tingle and you desperately need to use the bathroom. We had played 'guess the person' and ended up doing impressions of our co-workers. Hal's impression of Ranger had been hilarious, but then we had to stop because we both had needed a bathroom break and then the one we had been looking for had been caught.  
I liked Hal, he was as quiet but still more human than the rest of the guys. If he hadn't had the body of Rambo and looked like he should wear an orange overall and chains he could have been any normal man, who kissed his wife goodbye in the mornings and watched his kids play baseball in the school team. Now Hal, Hector and Lester were all standing with their heads under the hood, talking. Then Lester got in on the drivers seat and we pulled out. I waved to Hal and Hector but they didn't see me. They were both concentrated on the bomb.

"They're gonna work on it." Lester explained. "It was badly attached to the start-cables, if it had been properly installed we'd both be a pile of smoking dust right now." He glanced toward me as we pulled out from the parking hall. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay" I absentmindedly rubbed my upper arm again.

"Sorry I grabbed you so hard."

"It's okay. But you sure scared the shit out of me."

"Yeah. I almost scared the shit out of myself too." He admitted with a wry smile. That man was strange. He turned his attention to the road and disappeared into the Zone. I sat, pondering my life and the bomb, chewing my gum and blowing bubbles absentmindedly. When we stopped for a red light I blew a bubble and 'pop'. I chewed again and blew another bubble, 'pop'. And again another bubble, 'poh'. I tried to do a big bubble but failed and the small bubble burst with a 'plott'

"If you don't stop chewing that gum I'm gonna have to kiss you." I swallowed involuntarily and accidentally swallowed the gum.

"Gak!" I spluttered and Lester turned immediately to me, his eyes full of concern.

"Steph? What happened?" He looked seriously at me. "Can you breathe?"

I slowly inhaled, it felt like the gum had gotten stuck. "I… I can breathe…" I whispered and felt a lump in my throat. It felt terrible. I swallowed and swallowed, but the lump didn't go away. Lester put his hand between my shoulder blades and rubbed slow circles.

"Did it get stuck?"

"I… I don't know." I swallowed. "It feels like a lump…" Out of thin air Lester produced a water bottle and handed it to me.

"Drink, and don't worry, you can breathe allright…" He still kept his hand between my shoulder blades as I drank the water and swallowed carefully. The lump eased slowly away with every gulp of water I took and finally there was only a small discomfort in my throat. The light had changed to green and Lester removed his hand and put the car into gear.

"Thanks." I said and put the water bottle on the stand between the seats.

"I'm sorry Steph, I didn't mean to scare you." Lester's eyes were on the road, but I could see the regret in them. I decided to cheer up the mood.

"Naah, you don't scare me." I said lightly. A wolf-smile slowly crept across his face and soon he was grinning widely.

"I don't scare you?" His voice was mocking and teasing and his eyes shining. I was amusing him -that I could tell. I was amusement to everybody, except myself. I snorted and folded my arms over my chest. Let him mock me, let him tease me. I'd get the final word whatever. I chewed the gum and blew a bubble out of frustration. 'Pop'

"Hey, don't be cross. We're on the same side!" He put a warm hand on my thigh and I felt all the blood rush towards his touch and my heart picked up its pace.

"The same side?" I asked, trying to sound normal. Lester took his hand away and pulled into the garage on Haywood.

"Yes, there's _Them_ and there's _Us_." He explained cheerfully.

"Who's them?"

"Those who wouldn't ever do a practical joke on someone."

"You consider I would?"

Lester looked at me and grinned. "Beautiful, that's what you're doing right now. And that's what that list is for, ain't it? That's why you bought chewing gum." He reached for my purse and pulled out the chewing gum package. "Ranger has ordered us to confiscate any sweets that show up in this building. I won't confiscate these if you promise me one thing."

"What?" I had a bad feeling about this.

"You follow that list to the end." I stared at him and he continued with a wide smile. "And I want you to chew gum on our nine o'clock meeting tomorrow." He gave me a chewing gum and took one himself then put the rest of the gums back into my purse.  
"And blow bubbles." He said dreamily. "I want you to blow bubbles in front of Ranger." Okay, he had lost his mind, this man _was_ crazy.

"What if I don't?"

"You'll continue working here. You want to get out from here, don't you?"

"I want to get out on the field again!" I simplified.

"We're gonna have to cooperate on this one." He smiled and got out of the car. "Trust me." I took my purse and we rode the elevator in silence. Lester got off at the fourth floor and gave me a wink before the elevatordoors closed. I rode up to fifth and went straight for my cubicle. I clicked the pages and found my way to the right one.

**2. If you're trying to annoy the potatoes out of your co-workers, chew your gum Loudly. Nothing is as irritating as the cracking and smacking of someone gnawing their chewing gum.**

I smiled. I had an ally, and I had the best ally there ever was. I had Lester and he was going to help me get out on the field again!

* * *

.sigh. I write and write and write, but it seems I never get where I want to get in this chapter, and it's already so long o.O so I have to call it quits here, my muse is exhausted, but spluttering with ideas, and I can't get anything straight out from her… I think she's hyper from lack of sleep or something… and my hands just keep on writing nonsense. But don't worry, I'll continue, though **I'll need a little help with the next chapter**. Gosh, I could write an essay, but I'll keep it short: **_I need you to send me some dirty jokes! Or just plain stupid jokes, but Dirty jokes would be perfect! Please, If you know any, PM me! (Don't put them in the reviews, PM me! I'd like to keep it a surprise ;) Please please please help me on this one! Or tell me where to find any._**

And as always: Please review  
Phew!

Oh and then there was another thing... wait… I'll soon remember it… right: Constructive criticism greatly appreciated! Now I'll post it, have a nice day!

.snarl. stupid (curse) computer/internet/office words/everything! Now I've re-edited it and (curse) if it doesn't work now I'll... I'll... get deeply upset! :)


	3. Chapter 3: Bubblegum and Chainletters

**Authors note:** Thank you for all of your suggestions and reviews! I know you're eager to continue reading so I'll keep this note short: Disclaimer in first chapter. Enjoy!

**Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition**

**Chapter 2: Bubblegum and Chain letters**

Ranger had picked up the Sutton-file while I was lunching with Lula and left a post-it note on the other files. _Babe!_

I chewed my bubble gum a little then got up and padded over to his office and peeked in. Nobody there. I turned to Tank's cubicle and poked my head in. Tank was with his back to the door writing something in a book. I blew a bubble and 'pop' Tank jumped up in surprise and swirled around. When he discovered me he smiled.

"Ranger's on an appointment with a client, he won't be home until 18.00. Said you did a good job on the Sutton-request and that you should take someone with you next time you go for lunch."

I replied with a big bubble that went 'poof' and I chewed it in. I had gotten used to the 24-hour clock and I knew 18.00 meant 6.00 P.M. I wouldn't see Ranger today.

"I don't need babysitters!"

Tank just sighed and turned back to what he was writing. I made a face at his back and exited his office. I had said that too many times to be taken seriously. As usual, I had attracted some maniac, and this maniac was slippery. Not even Ranger was able to get a hold of him and meanwhile I got scary letters and flowers with scary notes and all that scary stuff. It felt almost as if The Webmaster Clyde Cone had been resurrected. It was scary and I was scared. Then Ranger had offered me a job at RangeMan, that way he could assign one of his men to be my partner and look after me. And I had agreed not knowing what I was giving up. But bounty hunting had become too dangerous for me, and working for RangeMan was safer with the guys always at hand to protect me.  
At first everything went smooth, I did some surveillance and client-visits. Then I had gotten myself kidnapped, and even though I had managed to escape, Ranger withdrew my right to work on the field. And now the bomb in the SUV on top of that. Okay, I know I wouldn't stay here if I didn't want to, but I was scared as hell and Ranger had actually begged me to stay. I was astonished. Batman had actually begged me to stay, and in the shocked state I was in I had promised to stay. And one thing led to another and here I was, bored to death doing researches and killing time.  
I stood outside Rangers office when an idea hit me. I looked around to see if somebody was watching then sneaked into the office. I closed the door carefully and dashed over to the desk and rummaged through the drawers until I found what I was looking for. I had to be fast or else the guys would start to suspect something if I was gone too long.

Half an hour and two post-it pads later I was done and stood back to take a look at my masterpiece. I had covered every inch of his desk with post-it notes, his computer screen and all papers and files that was on the desk. The room looked almost joyful with so much yellow among all the dark brown and black furniture. I smiled and left his office carefully, trying to look normal.

When I got back to my office a pop-up on the computer blinked, signalling I had gotten an email. I opened it and discovered the email was from Lester. What the?

"_I got a funnier list than you! I suggest we cooperate. _ _My place, 4__th__ floor, second door to the left, at 17.00."_

That was the whole message. I was a little wary of going to Lester's apartment alone, I didn't know him that well after all. But then I decided it was for the good of my sanity and replied with an 'okeydokey' and set to work with Rodriguez's requests. When I had the search program running I clicked open that page again. I figured I could do number three now, I had done number two today but I still had the meeting tomorrow, I wanted to see Rangers reaction when I chewed gum on a meeting. I smiled, everything was going as planned.

**3. All those funny chain letters, jokes and junk mail, you wouldn't want your co-workers to miss all the fun, would you? Make sure they are updated on the latest prices on Viagra and the letters from the missionaries in Africa collecting money for a hospital. The content doesn't matter just hit the forward. It is all important stuff, remind them of that when they delete your spam.**

Hmm, the RangeMan issued emails had spamfilters that would stop any spam from getting through. I opened my email and gazed through the spam-rules. I needed to find a way to overrule the spamfilters. I opened my private email and checked through the junkmail for chain letters and spam. I modified those I found and sent them to my RangeMan mail. The computer beeped. 'You got mail'. My mail had gotten through! I was ecstatic. I signed the letters with a "5t3ph4ni3" then I hit the forward button and clicked 'select all' and then send. When the pop-up read 'Message successfully sent' it hit me; the mail would go to all RangeMan employees! The Miami office, the office in Boston and in Philadelphia… all employees would get my mail. Shit! My face turned red. What have I done? Then a little voice inside my head whispered 'don't you want to get out on the field again?' and without thinking about it I forwarded some other chain letters to all RangeMan employees.They were going to hate me! 'Hey, isn't that the point?' the little voice asked. Well, I don't want them to actually _hate _me, I just want to get out on the field again! I replied in my head and closed the mail before I did something more stupid.

At five minutes before five I called it a day and quit the research program and turned the computer off. I waved goodbye to the guys in the control room, Bobby turned slightly red when I waved at him, and made my way to the elevator and the fourth floor. At the second door to the left I stopped and lifted my hand to knock but hesitated. What was I thinking? This was stupid! I turned to leave when the door burst open and Lester grabbed me and hurled me inside and closed the door.

"No second thoughts lady!" He grinned.

"I wasn't having second thoughts! I thought I had forgotten something in my office!" I straightened my clothes. Lester wagged his forefinger.

"Tsk tsk, no lying." I looked warily at him. This all felt odd, I didn't know what he was thinking I was thinking about him. And I wasn't sure if all this was just teamwork to help me get out on the field again or if he had some second intentions behind it all.

"Okay" He said. "Just to clear the air; I'm not going to hit on you. Not that I wouldn't like to, I'd actually enjoy doing it, but it wouldn't be worth it." He looked straight at me, his eyes gleaming with mirth. "I value my life and my job more."

"Sorry." He added with a grin after a short silence. I exhaled, not knowing I had held my breath. It was safe! I chewed slowly my gum.

"Okay, so… what was your plan? You said you had a list…" I looked around. His apartment was small but inviting and relaxed, with a big four poster bed in the far right corner and a sturdy desk with a laptop facing the bed in the far left. A small kitchen alcove was to our right and the toilet to our left. Three chairs were placed in the middle around_, aroun d, arou nd, aro und, ar ound, (__A/N: __sorry, I couldn't resist. I know it's lame :D)_ a round dining table. It looked like a students housing, but had a more mature feeling to it. And it was furnished with more expensive furniture than a student could afford. The desk looked really expensive. Lester waved me in and pulled one of the chairs towards the computer.

"I'll show you… here." We sat down at the computer and Lester opened a window. And there it was. The most beautiful list I've ever seen.

"Wow!" was all I could say.

"Yep, I've been collecting these for ages, waiting to pull them off, and now the time seems right." He glanced at me. "And I don't think I'll get fired if I'm with you."

ooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooo

Next morning I was on time and stumbled into the conference room just as everybody were sitting down. I took my place between Tank and Hal and turned my attention to Ranger chewing my gum loudly. Hal glanced towards me and hid a smile behind his hands. Obviously he knew about Lester's dare. I think Tank was ignoring me on purpose. Ranger opened the meeting and I chewed my gum wildly. Ranger only briefly glanced towards me, and then turned to the overhead. He was talking about improving some systems and a yearly check up of all the clients and ignoring my frenetic gum chewing. My jaws got tired so I blew a bubble. 'Pop'

Lester and Bobby hid their mouths behind their hands and tried to look serious. I blew another bubble 'poh' and chewed it in. Ranger continued and I blew a big bubble that went out with a 'poff' and got stuck to my nose and upper lip. I tried to chew it in, but it was stuck. I tried with my teeth to get it in, but there was still a sticky pink blob on my nose. I tried with my tongue when someone snorted and I looked up with my tongue halfway to the blob. Everybody's face was turned to me, all serious looking when Ranger was watching. No idea who had snorted. Ranger stared at me. I looked down at my nose crossing my eyes and willed my tongue to reach the pink glob.

"Stephanie." Ranger warned, no 'babe'. I looked at him and smiled an innocent smile and pulled the pink blob back into my mouth. He sighed and turned back to the overhead which was displaying numbers and dates. I let him continue undisturbed for some minutes and let my mind wander while I absentminded chewed the gum. Somehow I came to think of machine guns and how hard it must be holding it while it blazed off hundreds of bullets per minute. And before I knew it my mind had settled on the question 'How fast can I "blaze off" bubbles?' I tried to calculate how fast I could blow a bubble and then the chewing time between bubbles, but I didn't get anything straight.  
This could only be solved by empirical investigations I decided. With my eyes on the clock on the wall I chewed and when the red hand showing the seconds was on 12, I set off. Blow, 'pop' one; Chew, blow, 'pop' two; Chew, blow, 'pop' three I counted. I had gotten into a rhythm now. Chew, blow, 'pop' nine; Chew, blow… then a hand shot forward and fingers grabbed the bubble and made it burst.

"Hey!" I said and almost lost the gum. The fingers pulled the gum away from me and I tried to chew it in. The pink bubble gum was stretched almost two feet and I chewed frantically trying to get it all back into my mouth. The hand moved longer away to my left and I saw it was Tank holding the gum. I lunged forward and he dropped the gum in surprise. I hauled it in and discovered Ranger standing at the head of the table looking at me. I put the last of the bubble gum into my mouth and was just about to start to chew.

"Stephanie!" This time Ranger sounded really irritated. Tank glanced at Ranger then held out a hand in front of me. I was to spit the gum out like a good girl. I took a deep breath and got a warning look from Ranger. Uh-oh. I decided to end it there, I didn't want to irritate him more so I exhaled slowly and was about to plop the gum into Tanks hand. But with a 'fopp' the gum flew over the table and hit Zero square in his face.

I slapped my hands over my mouth and stared at him. Everybody stared silently as the gum fell down into Zero's lap. I felt Rangers intense stare on my face as it went red and I looked down on the table, my hands still covering my mouth. Zero picked up the gum carefully and, looking at me, reached over the table without a word and dropped it in Tank's hand. Then he turned his attention to Ranger. With a last look at me Ranger turned once again back to the overhead. I glanced around and got a thumbs-up from both Lester and Bobby when Tank and Ranger wasn't looking, and Hal squeezed my hand lightly for a second under the table, amusement in his eyes.

It was time for plan B. I pondered for some seconds, what was plan B? Oh, yes, right! I put my hand down my shirt, groping around my bra for the backup bubble gums. Someone coughed and I looked up to see Bobby red in his face and Lester staring at my hand. Then a warm body was behind me and strong hands grabbed my hands and put them on the table. I looked up to see Ranger standing behind me. He bent down and whispered low in my ear.

"Whatever you have hidden in your bra, I don't want you to grope around under your shirt while my men are watching."

"But it's uncomfortable…" I whispered back. Ranger quickly put his hands under my shirt and found the package of backup gums and yanked them swiftly out from my bra. He took the package and put it in his own pocket and continued the meeting as if nothing had happened.

"_I_ can't grope around under my shirt while your men are watching, but _you _can?" I asked suddenly. Amazed over my own daring I felt my face go red as I met Rangers eyes. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Lester and Bobby doing the finger-slashing-over-the-throat sign, silently trying to tell me to stop.

"When this meeting's over we're having a conversation!" Ranger told me calmly and turned his back towards me. I extended my tongue as far as it could go towards Ranger then leaned back.

Okay, now to plan C. As silently as I could I pushed the chair back a foot. Nobody took notice and I pushed it back another foot. Then Zero turned his head and looked at me and I froze and turned my head towards Ranger and tried to look like I was interested in what he was talking about, alarm systems and advanced technology. When I was sure Zero had his attention on Ranger again I edged my chair another foot away from the table. This time Tank glanced towards me but I stared intently on Ranger. When Tank turned away I pressed the chair on towards the door silently. When I was five feet from the table Ranger turned to look at me. Our eyes locked for some seconds and I tried to look like everything was normal. Then he turned back to the conversation that was now going on around the table.

I inched my way towards the door and at a quarter past ten I reached the door. I was thinking of how I could open the door without anybody noticing when the scraping of chairs announced the meeting was over. The men filed out from the room and looked at me as they passed. By the look in their eyes I could tell they were amused and astounded over what I had done. Lester gave me a high-five and Bobby patted my shoulder. Hal winked at me as he passed and to my surprise Rodriguez smiled at me. I smiled at all the guys, even Zero got a small smile, which he didn't return. Yikes. Now only Tank was in the room and when he exited only Ranger and I were left. I got up from the chair and brought it back to the table as Ranger stowed away the overhead. Then he turned to me and guided me out of the room along the corridor and into his office. His desk was still covered in post-it notes, except from a little patch where files had been moved. Ranger closed the door and pinned me against it.

"I guess this is your idea too." He nodded his head backwards meaning the desk. I just smiled. Then he smiled all 100 watts that almost melted my bones and he leaned closer.

"What's with the gum-spitting?"

"The gum was all excited over all the chewing, blowing and stretching…" I explained "…and didn't want to end up in Tanks massive hand. I was about to drop it off, but it shot away, I couldn't…" My babbling was suddenly silenced by Ranger's warm lips. The kiss was soft and caring, not at all that passionate like they used to be.

"I'm worried." Ranger said all of a sudden, his smile gone, and I looked at him, he looked worried. I pushed his hair back and brushed my lips against his.

"About what?"

"About you." He admitted. "I can't find your stalker and I'm afraid he'll soon…" He didn't finish the sentence. We stood silently looking into each others eyes for some seconds and I saw all emotions flowing around inside him, then his mask fell back on place and he started to pull away.

"_What do bees chew?_"

He was startled at my question and stared at me for a while, thinking. Then a smile spread across his face.  
"_Bumble gum?_"

"You knew that one?" Now it was my turn to stare at him. He pulled the bubble gum package from his pocket and waved it in front of me.

"No, I guessed. You taste like strawberries." And he kissed me again. "Now what are you up to?" I tried to look as innocent as possible.

"What do you mean?"

"Tank found you and Lester at the toilet."

"So…?"

"In the same box…?" he specified.

"Lester was on his way, we just talked." That got me a big sigh from him.

"Babe." He shook his head. "Am I to think there was nothing in particular with the meeting at the toilet?"

"It wasn't a _meeting_!"

"Well, whatever it was, your visit to his apartment yesterday at 17.00 was a meeting…" Our eyes held for a long moment, I refused to look away. I was in my full rights to visit whoever I wanted, whenever I pleased, and even if he had made me promise to work for him, he had no right to restrict my private life. I opened my mouth to tell him but he put a finger over my lips.

"Listen, I'm in knee deep shit and our company is getting pressure from the government about an issue I can't tell you about right now. I really don't want to have to worry about you on top of that, and knowing you're working out in the field would certainly put more pressure on me. So I'm going to ask you again: Please stay inside."  
If Rambo ever could have puppy eyes, Ranger definitely had. He looked so like a poor lost puppy I almost started laughing. But instead I sighed. He had me in a box. If he asked me to jump off the bridge and provided an explanation why I should, I'd probably do it.

"Okay, but you'll have to stop the puppy eye thing, you're ruining your image."

"I've learned from the master of puppy eyes." Ranger smiled a 100 watt smile at me. "I'd buy whatever she asked for if she gave me the puppy eyes. When I told her that, she promised she would teach me." The master of puppy eyes? I was quite sure it wasn't me. I looked at him questioningly.

"Julie." He said with a proud smile.

"Ah, I should have known that!" I smiled back at him.

" Now, back to work, you don't want your boss to catch you dragging your ass behind." He blinked at me. "And whatever you and Lester are up to, don't destroy anything. If you do, I'll come up with a punishment you'd both wish you were…"

"We're not up to anything!" I cut him off and he sighed again. He was doing that a lot lately.

"Babe! At least don't cause any more havoc than there already is. I'll keep _you_ responsible for any misunderstandings caused by your spamming, and if you decide to go for lunch with Lula again, take Lester with you." And under his breath he added. "God I never thought I would give you that advice." And with a last kiss he opened the door and I scuttled off to my office.

The maniac stalker had made clear he wanted to off me in broad daylight and in public. I don't know why and I don't know how, he just wanted –crazy braindead. So I was fairly safe in my apartment, even though, Ranger had installed some gizmos, security cameras and had a man watching my building. Morelli had offered his bed, but I suspected he wanted to lock me inside, so I had declined and then we had quarrelled. I hadn't heard from him in almost four days now so I guess we were in the off-stage in our on-again off-again relationship. I knew the lunch with Lula hadn't been a smart move, but I didn't want the stalker to think I was scared of him and hiding from him. I wanted to show him he couldn't mess with me, and if he did he had messed for the last time. I sat down in my chair and hit my head in the table with a 'thunk'. I had promised Ranger, again!

* * *

I'm a little confused, so mostly I write for myself trying to straighten things out and get things clear, since I have no idea where this story is going… If you find any crazy werewolves or other semantic or logical mistakes report to me, I try to make sure the story is linear but my head is so messed up right now I don't know the difference between left or right, front or back.

And a **Huge hug** and **Thanks** to **Gavri** for the bumble gum "joke" .sniggers. More is on the way! Yay!

* * *

.grrr. Again! Why does all the lines come in one jumble? It's like it don't recognize 'enter' from the word document, I've been spending 15 minutes re-entering all the 'enter' s and it took all the fun out of writing. Now I'll have icecream, then I'll see if I manage to get next chapter up today too, but don't hope too much.  
Terese


	4. Chapter 4: Dirty Jokes I

**Authors Note:** I'll keep this short: I evacuated my apartment due to a neighbour's drug use (Never **Ever** use drugs!), I felt in danger living there, so now I'm "hiding" at my parent's, until she's evicted or till my summerjob starts. And obviously I forgot to pack my muse, she's been absent ever since I left my apartment :(… so **sorry this is so late... and short**.  
**A huge thanks to Gavri for the jokes, I just wish I could do them more justice.** .gaah.  
Disclaimer in first chapter.

**Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition **

**Chapter 4: Dirty Jokes I**

**4. Everybody enjoys a good laugh and it's not Your problem if your co-workers don't like your dirty jokes, right? Maybe you'll even be accused of sexual harassment one of these days.**

This was more Lester's area than mine, I thought and settled back into my chair. I wasn't exactly fond of dirty jokes either. Okay, some of them might be fun but Lester's were more of the sort that falls in the category of 'eeewww', and I wasn't so fond of the 'eeewww' category. I had a sudden flashback from when Lula and I were hunting a skip and he had mooned in front of the window, pressing his big hairy butt against the glass and moving from side to side. I made a face at the memory. That had been an 'eeewww' moment. Later on when we got into his house to apprehend him we discovered he was naked and covered in Vaseline from head to toe. That had also been an 'eeewww' moment, but as always, I got my skip.  
I decided to search some dirty jokes from the net, when I suddenly found a site with jokes more in my style. I read through a couple of them and then headed for the kitchen to try them out. The kitchen was empty as I entered, but I wasn't worried, it would be lunchtime soon. I settled for a tuna-salad and sat down facing the door. After five minutes Tank showed up and went straight to the fridge and poked his head into it.

"_Why did the donut go to the dentist?_" I asked and looked seriously at Tank. He turned from the refrigerator to stare at me then he looked around the room, probably to see if there were any hiding doughnuts there. Finally he shook his head.

"I don't know."

_"To get a chocolate filling."_Tank almost looked like he thought of smiling but didn't. He got his sandwich and made his way out of the kitchen. Darn! I ate the tuna-salad and was about to leave when Bobby came. He glanced towards me cautiously. I guess he didn't want to overhear me on the phone again.**  
**"_What do you get when you cross a cheetah and a hamburger?_" I asked and he turned around in surprise. He pondered the question for a minute.

"A… safari… meal?"

"_Fast food._ You're better than Tank." That got a big smile from him and he sat down at the table with tuna-salad and a bottle of water.

"I heard you and Lester are up to something." He took a bite of the salad. "You got more of them riddles? I like them." He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"_What is a pie's favourite sport?_"

He chewed and looked at me. Hal walked past the kitchen door and Bobby barked at him.  
"Oy, Hal!" Hal turned around and poked his head into the kitchen. "What's a pie's favourite sport?"

Hal considered it for a moment then shook his shoulders and ambled over to the fridge and extracted a water bottle.

"I don't know. A pie's favourite sport…" He looked at me and smiled. "I guess it's you who're asking." I nodded and he sat down. "Okay, Brown, let's think. Favourite sport. Pie… It's got to be something sweet… maybe pie-rasailing?"

"Pie-rasailing?" Bobby echoed. "Is that even a sport?" At this Hal shrugged.

"Okay I give up, what's a pie's favourite sport?"

"_Pie Kwan Do_" I grinned, this was my favourite joke, along with the chocolatefilling.

Hal snorted on the water and coughed. His face went red, his eyes watered and he dodged down under the table. Bobby leaned over and hit Hal between his shoulderblades several times. After a while Hal stopped coughing and he showed up above table again.

"Jeesh, sorry." I said.

"Don't worry, we've gotten used to this. You're not as bad as Lester." Bobby said then turned red and added. "Except from that in the toilet…"

Hal coughed once and looked at me, then back at Bobby.

"That in the toilet?" He turned to me again and his eyebrows contracted slightly. "The guys says you and Lester's got something going on. Says Tank found the two of you coming out from the same toilet." I shifted uncomfortably. There were rumours about me and Lester?

"Jeesh, Bomber." Hal slowly shook his head. "I don't think Lester's your type of man…"

"Then what _is_ 'my type of man'?" I couldn't believe what I was saying. Hal was insinuating I had something more private going on with Lester and I didn't object. What a dork I am! What about Morelli? What about Ranger? Oh, forget Ranger, he's a trouble of his own. What about Morelli? Well, like he would ever know what was going on behind the walls of the RangeMan company.

"Your type's more… kind of… " Hal looked at Bobby for assistance but he looked in vain. Bobby shook his head and wolfed down some salad.

"You're on deep water, Hal."

"You're more like… uh…" He scratched his head. "The Ranger kind of girl."

"The Ranger kind of girl?" I echoed. What the heck does that mean? "So I would suit a Ranger better, would I?" Was he saying he thought Ranger and I would make a good couple? Or was this something more in the line of we-keep-Ranger's-back-and-don't-get-fired? Did the guys really want to see me and Ranger as a couple? Hmmm. I saw Bobby give Hal an almost indiscernible shake of his head and I gazed at Hal with my best Burg eye.

"Umm, yeah I mean… uh… you and Ranger's got some sort of… relationship… right? And… well… I don't think you and Lester…" Hal's voice tailed away when he saw the look on my face. He cleared his throat. "I didn't… I mean…" He looked again at Bobby for backing and this time Bobby came to his help.

"What Hal's trying to tell you is: be careful with Lester, he's more of the playful type, and he's left many a girl's heart broken and we don't want to see your heart broken."

"No, we don't" Hal nodded vigorously.

"Aww, that's nice of you guys, but Lester and I are only friends." I smiled reassuringly. Hal and Bobby glanced at each other.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Hal sighed and got up. "You coming Brown? We still got the report of the nine-eighty-two to finish before the two o'clock meeting."

"The gov's a fucking pain in the ass." Bobby addressed to me and got up. "Never sign a contract for the government, they'll hold you by the balls and never let go of you."

"I wish Ranger had thought twice before he signed that damn contract." Hal shook his head. With a nod and a smile at me they made their way to the door.

"Guys!" I said before they disappeared and they stopped in their track and turned around. "_What cloth does a house wear?_" They shook their head simultaneously. "_Address._"

With a wide smile they disappeared to save the day. Or in this case, make the Government happy. Someone at the Government had obviously made a bad calculation and now the whole RangeMan Company was paying for it and nobody was happy. Except me. Well, I wasn't exactly happy, but my unhappiness wasn't because of the Government. My reason to unhappiness just walked past the kitchen, talking to his cell. I got up and put the dish in the sink and was about to leave when the reason walked into the kitchen, took a bottle of water from the fridge, and with a glance at me disappeared again. Maybe they weren't up for practical jokes. Maybe I should give him and his men a rest. Or maybe not. Back in my cubicle I started some searches for Rodriguez again. Boy, that man, without doubt, wasn't on the lazy side. While the search was running I decided to send some cheer up mails to the RangeMan employees. They certainly would need to know how to loose fat, and the 'how to get fab abs in two weeks' programme, I wish I had 'fab abs'. Suddenly a thought hit me and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I reached for the phone and the short-number list and started dialling.

* * *

It's like squeezing a carrot, writing. I can't get anything out right now. But I wanted to update with a short chapter just to let you know I'm not dead, and I haven't given up on this story, inspiration is just not coming to me right now. But as soon as my muse is back (can happen tomorrow, next week or next month) I promise I'll update.

So until she's back – Have a lovely week!


	5. Chapter 5: Telephone Calls

**Authors note:** Summerjob's a pain in the rear. Hopefully you'll enjoy:) Disclaimer in first chapter.

**Nobody Expect the Spanish Inquisition **

**Chapter 5: Telephone Calls**

_Suddenly a thought hit me and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I reached for the phone and the short-number list and started dialling._

"Talk!" An unfamiliar voice boomed in my ear.

"Umm… hi… who's this?"

"Alvirez."

"No, it's not. It's Stephanie!" I tried to sound serious and then hung up as I couldn't stop myself from giggling. I tried another number and repeated the procedure until I hit Hal's number.

"Talk."

"Who's this?" Like I didn't recognize Hal's voice and Bobby's in the background.  
"Oh, hi Steph, it's me, Hal. Do you need help with anything?"

"Um, no… just checking. Bye." And I hung up. I pondered for a minute if I should go on or if they had had enough of me already. I decided to continue until someone else answered with my name. A dark voice I didn't recognize answered the next call.

"Talk." Who was this? I checked the list of numbers, I think I had hit number eight on the list. Number eight was Bobby. But Bobby was with Hal, wasn't he?

"Who's this?" I asked really curious.

"Stephanie?" Dang!

"Who're you?"

"Guess?" I could hear the amusement in the dark voice. I was starting to get a little annoyed. I was the one to pull pranks on people. I and…

"Lester?"

"Nope, guess again!"

"Tank?"

"Wrong again." The dark voice on the other end laughed. I heard a voice in the background, that was Lester.

"But Lester's there." I said.

"Yes, Lester's here." The voice articulated Lester's name slowly then laughed softly. It sounded so familiar. But still I couldn't place it.

"Okay, I give up. Who is it?"

The voice just laughed. "it's not that easy, Steph."

"Okay." I said slowly then twirled around and darted out of my cubicle and over to Bobby's. I slammed the door open and hit Lester and we both went down on the floor. I rolled off Lester to the floor and stared up at the man in black that was sitting on Bobby's chair. He looked slightly familiar. And he had a big gorgeous smile. What was it with all the Rangemen and their smiles?  
If we ever were invaded by women the men in black just had to smile and all women would be a soft gooey mess on the floor at their feet. I looked up at the man now standing above me with that gorgeous smile playing all over his face. I was thinking of myself as a soft gooey mess when he extended a hand and pulled me up. He smelled fresh and newly showered and his hard muscles rippled under the black shirt. I shook my head mentally. What was I thinking of? Doughnuts, I needed doughnuts! Then I recognized him.

"Silvio!" He looked so different from last time I saw him. He had really changed, to the better – if you can look better than gorgeous.

"Stephanie!" He answered equally enthusiastic as I hugged him.

"Don't I get a hug?" Lester whined behind me.

"You got the tackle, Santos, I get the hug…" Silvio smiled again and let go of me.

"But… but weren't you assigned to Miami?" I stammered.

"I was, but due to the circumstances I came back here to help sort things out." He gave me a short smile then turned to Lester. "We should continue." Then he turned back to me. "We're on a tight schedule, will you excuse us?" He gave me a last smile as I turned to leave.

"No problem." I said and was about to close the door when a brilliant thought hit me. "Oh, yeah, Lester!" I said and poked my head back in. Lester and Silvio turned around and looked questioningly at me. Gosh, they both looked so gorgeous! I mentally steered my thoughts towards doughnuts.

Lester lifted one eyebrow. The RangeMan equivalent of a "Yes?"

"You get five points for number nine on Ranger." With that I withdrew and closed the door. Just to be sure if Lester decided to come charging after me I dashed quickly into the kitchen and hid behind the door. While I was hiding behind the door Ranger walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I got a really good view of his rear attire and couldn't stop myself from giggling. He swirled around and smiled when he noticed me. He was holding a plate with salad in one hand and a water-bottle in the other. With his hip he closed the refrigerator door and minimized the short distance between us to only a couple of inches. I smiled at him.

"_Why do ghost like health food?_" I asked and brushed my lips against his. He shrugged.

"Don't know."

"_Because it is super natural._" Wrinkles appeared in the corner of his eyes, telling he was amused. But his face didn't move a millimetre.

"Haven't you got some searches to finish before the two o'clock meeting?" He blinked and with a light kiss on my nose he was gone. I was left standing there immersed in my own thoughts. What were these new feelings that made me crave more than doughnuts? He was so sweet and almost vulnerable it made me want to hug him and kiss him and tell him everything's gonna be alright. Or maybe he was just tired. Probably he was overworked. But still his behaviour made me want to be nice to him. He _was_ a human after all. Batman was also human and he hurt, he cared… he loved. I shook my head. Don't go there, Steph! I told myself. I blinked and drew a deep breath to ease the lump in my chest. Let's choose another topic.

Back in my cubicle I finished one search and started another. While I was waiting for the clock to strike two I decided it was time for another visit at the Site.

**5. Keep your co-workers up-to-date with everything, especially your whereabouts and if you can be reached by phone or beeper. Call then, email them, PM them and make sure they know what you're up to. And to be sure they got your message, call/email/PM them once more – just to make sure they know you'll be unavailable.**

This could almost be counted as spamming, I pondered and prodded my chin with a forefinger. Yep, this could definitely be counted as spamming.

_Hi, I am waiting for a research to finish, __and then I'm going to the two o'clock meeting._ _  
Are you also coming__ to the meeting?_  
_5t3ph4ni3_

I hit send and watched my mail spam all the RangeMan employees once more. I searched my junk-mail and found another ad about fab abs. I sighed and looked down on my stomach. It looked more like a doughnut with liquorice coating instead of fabulous abs. Another ad promoted healthy eating, and tips and tricks to avoid sugar. The guys surely needed this. I copy-pasted the contents to one mail and signed with a daring message. Lester would probably get back at me for this one.

_No sugar, no fat, no fun, but great abs… depressingly you can not eat them.  
XD_  
_5t3ph4ni3_

When the clock finally turned five to two I put the researches on hold and stretched my arms up over my head. I was just about to leave my cubicle when Silvio caught up with me.

"I'm also going to the meeting." He exclaimed happily. He had probably read my mail. Then he lowered his voice to almost a whisper. "Was that a dare with Lester? Number nine on Ranger?"

I glanced around to make sure we weren't overheard and signalled to Silvio to lean down so I could whisper in his ear. "Lester gets five points if he writes something in Ranger's organizer."

A grin slowly spread across his face and he began walking towards the conference room where the meeting was held. I followed him to the room and before we split up he said.

"Suddenly the meeting seems so much brighter."

RangeMen employees filled into the room and I hurried to have a seat between Tank and Lester this time. The chairs were suddenly too few and black clad men were standing leaning against the walls. I looked around the room and everywhere I looked I was met by an enormous wall of black cloth and muscles. Every single RangeMan employee in town was here and the air was dense of testosterone and the musky smell of men. I had to look around again, to see if I recognized anyone. Okay, I had to stare around at all those biceps exposing, broad shouldered, muscular yummies in black t-shirts that was my co-workers. They were everywhere! Holy cow! I had to check myself to make sure I wasn't drooling. If ever Lula could see this, I thought and fanned myself absentmindedly. I had to tell her when I got to the office. She would explode! Someone nudged me and I turned back to the table to find Lester staring at me and slowly shaking his head.

"Bomber, you're gonna sprain your neck if you don't stop looking around." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a bubblegum package and sneaked the gum into my hand under the table so Tank wouldn't see. "You look like a hamster that's been offered too many goodies so he doesn't know which one to choose first."

As a reply I rolled my eyes at him and discreetly put the gum into my mouth and started to chew. This wasn't helping at all. I needed donuts. I needed donuts badly!

Lester grinned at my side and then Ranger entered the room and the muffled talking died away. No, it didn't die away, it was as if someone pushed the mute-button when Ranger entered. The talking stopped abruptly immediately. I chewed the gum silently, trying hard not to make any gnawing noises. Ranger put a file on the table and everybody's attention was on him and the file. He opened the file and looked up to see if everybody was there. His eyes lingered at me for a moment and I stopped chewing. Our eyes held and his seemed to say 'Babe!' I tried to do the ESP thing back and sent him a message telling him I needed donuts, Badly. It seemed to have been working for his eyes smiled for a second, he enjoyed watching me when I was in distress. That bastard!

He flipped his organizer open and stared down at what it said. A muscle twitched in the corner of his mouth and both Lester and I stared fascinated at him. Was he going to smile? I couldn't believe it. I stretched my neck to read what it said in his organizer. At 12.00 it said Lunch and at 13.00 someone had written "_See how I look in tights_" across the whole square and coloured the word _tights_ in different colours. I turned to Lester but he didn't take his eyes off Ranger. Another muscle twitched in Ranger's face but then he got control over himself and the blank face was back on. He looked up past me and directly at Lester who froze in his seat. Boy, he was in trouble.

* * *

I'll start this slowly, cause the bigger the speed the greater the crash, and I might not get anywhere if I loose steam halfway through. So, I'm going to puff on, and hope for downhills soon. XD A super natural thank you to Gavri Again for the ghost food joke.  
Constructive criticism greatly appreciated! XD  
Thanks for reading.


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